Chapter Content
Okay, so, let's talk about, you know, choosing to free yourself, right? It's, like, way harder than just, I don't know, doing whatever you feel like. The toughest part is actually figuring out what you even *want*.
And here's the thing, this might sound a little out there, but I don't think there are really any "adults" out there, you know? There are just, like, a bunch of people pretending to be adults, and, well, after a while, that's what we call an "adult." So, you gotta find your own path, like, figure out your own way to pick and choose and, you know, decide what's important to *you*. First, really nail down what you're after, and then actually go for it.
Speaking of what's important, how have my values changed over time? Oh, man. When I was younger, freedom was, like, everything. It was one of my top values. And, honestly, it still is! It's still right up there. But my idea of what freedom *means* is totally different now.
Back then, freedom meant, like, "I do what I want!" If I wanted to do something, I just did it. Whenever I wanted to do it, I did it. But now, I'm more about inner freedom, you know? Freedom from worry, freedom from anger, freedom to just, like, not react to everything. Freedom to *not* be forced to do stuff. So, yeah, before it was all about "doing whatever I wanted," now it's about "not doing what I *don't* want to do." It's about being free inside and out.
If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would probably be, "Just be yourself." Like, the real you. Seriously. Pretending to be someone you're not means, ugh, year after year stuck in relationships and jobs that make you miserable. And who needs that?
And another thing, freeing yourself from expectations is key. I don't even bother trying to grade my own efficiency. I'm really not a fan of self-assessment, it just feels like a way to control, punish, and argue with myself.
And look, if people get upset because you don't live up to their expectations, well, that's their problem. If you made an agreement with them, then yeah, that's on you. But if they're just expecting things for no reason, then it's *totally* their problem. It has nothing to do with you. People have expectations about everything, and the sooner you shatter those, the better.
Courage isn't about running into battle. It's about not giving a damn what other people think. You know?
People who know me know that I have two main traits: I'm impatient and stubborn. I hate waiting, and I hate wasting time. Like, if I'm at a party or an event or dinner and I realize it's a waste of my time, I'll just leave. I don't care about social niceties. Everyone knows that about me.
And that's because your time is all you have, really. It's more important than money, more important than friends, more important than anything. Your time *is* you. Don't waste it.
But, you know, treasuring your time doesn't mean you can't relax and enjoy life. If you're doing something you actually *want* to do, then you're not wasting time. But if you're not spending time on what you want, and you're not making money, and you're not learning anything, then you gotta ask yourself what you're doing with yourself.
And please, don't spend your time trying to please other people. Other people's happiness is their problem, not yours. When *you're* happy, other people will be happy, too. They'll see how you did it and maybe learn something. But it's not your job to make everyone else happy.
Let's talk about anger for a sec, because that's something you can free yourself from, too. What is anger, really? It's a strong emotion, a way of showing someone that you're ready to get violent, if necessary. It's, like, a warning sign that violence is about to happen.
Pay attention to what you're like when you're angry. It's what you do when you lose control. It's a deal you make with yourself to be a mess β physically, mentally, emotionally β until reality changes.
Anger is a punishment in itself. An angry person tries to drown you, but they're drowning, too.
And think about this too: freeing yourself from employment. People who live far below their means have a kind of freedom that people who are always trying to level up their lifestyle just can't touch.
Once you really, truly control your own life, for better or worse, you'll never let anyone tell you what to do again.
And once you get a taste of that freedom, you'll never want to be someone's employee. Never.
Okay, and here's something else I'm working on: freeing myself from uncontrolled thinking. When we're kids, we're like blank slates. We live in the moment, reacting instinctively. That's when we're living in the "real world," I think. Then, in adolescence, desires kick in. You actually *want* things. You start planning for the future, thinking a lot, building an identity, and trying to get what you want.
So, imagine you're walking down a busy street with a thousand people. All those people are talking to themselves in their heads all the time. They're judging everything they see, replaying yesterday's events, and fantasizing about tomorrow. The only thing they *aren't* doing is focusing on what's right in front of them. That's great for long-term planning or problem-solving, and it helps us survive and reproduce, but...
I think it's bad for happiness. For me, the brain should be a servant, a tool, not the master. I don't want to be controlled by a chattering mind all day long.
The brain just gets caught in these uncontrolled thought patterns, and I'm trying to break that habit. It's not easy, of course.
Busy thoughts speed up how we experience time, too.
Self-awareness and self-discovery? They never end. It's a lifelong process. There's no single answer to life, and no one can solve every problem, unless you become enlightened, I guess. Maybe someone can, but I doubt I will. I'm stuck in the rat race. At best, I can look up at the clouds sometimes.
I think most people just realize they're rats in a race, and that's it.
Think of it this way: it's like a lone person using incredible willpower to fast, meditate, and exercise... against huge teams of scientists and statisticians armed with junk food, clickbait news, endless porn, bottomless video games, and addictive drugs. A true modern struggle.