Chapter Content
Okay, so, you know, have you ever heard that story about the farmer and his horse? It's an old one, I think it's Chinese. Basically, this farmer's horse runs away, right? And all the neighbors are like, "Oh no, that's terrible luck!" And the farmer just kind of shrugs and says, "Maybe."
Then, the next day, the horse comes back, but it's not alone! It brings like, seven wild horses with it! So now the farmer has eight horses, and the neighbors are all excited, "Wow, that's amazing luck!" And the farmer, he just says, "Maybe."
A little while later, the farmer's son tries to, you know, break one of the wild horses, but he falls and breaks his leg. The neighbors are back, feeling sorry for him, "Oh man, that's such bad luck!" And the farmer's response? You guessed it, "Maybe."
And then, get this, military officers come to the village to draft young men for war. But when they see the farmer's son with his broken leg, they leave him alone! The neighbors are like, "Isn't that fantastic!" And the farmer, cool as a cucumber, just says, "Maybe."
It's a pretty cool story, right? We all know it, or something similar. I mean, accepting change without judging it, that's a tough one for us, usually.
Thinking about this, I'm reminded of this software developer, Michael Singer. This guy, he thought he was going to be an economics professor, you know, a steady career path. But, things didn't go exactly as he planned. He had a few, shall we say, "maybe" moments himself - those little crises that actually led to some pretty cool opportunities. After that, he decided to just, like, roll with the punches, you know? Accept the good with the bad, without letting his ego get in the way. And that, apparently, paved the way for all sorts of unexpected success. He founded a software company, started a communal living center, and even wrote a bunch of bestselling books!
And then he faced this huge crisis - he had to resign as CEO of his company because of an FBI investigation, which, by the way, was eventually dropped. Can you imagine? He stayed calm, even during the investigation, just navigated the whole thing with grace and patience. Even when his name was cleared and he still had to hand over the company he built, he didn't get bitter or fearful. He just accepted it, chose to be curious about the future, instead of dwelling on the past.
So, if just kind of, like, giving into life's little, or big, whims without giving up can actually unlock doors we didn't even know existed, why is it so hard for us to stay nimble when things get disrupted?
I mean, think about it. Every single day, something unexpected happens. A friend calls out of the blue, you find money in your coat pocket, the weather changes, something happens! Little things. Those are easy. They just barely rock the boat. Sometimes they're even nice, you know?
But disruptions? Disruptions are a whole different ballgame. The word "disrupt" actually means, like, "to separate forcibly, to break apart." Makes sense, right? That's why they feel so painful. They create a big gap between what we thought was going to happen and what actually does happen. They're the storms that test us and show us how fragile our plans really are.
The stress from these disruptions? That really depends on how much they force you to change. So, the more you have to adapt, the bigger the disruption feels. That's why even joyful things, like weddings or holidays, can feel disruptive - they just change everything!
And these disruptions can be super upsetting when they mess with important projects, right? We make plans, we have these roles we see ourselves in, and that gives us some sense of control in this crazy world. So, when something derails those plans, it feels like a direct attack on, like, who we *are*. And that can be really painful. Seriously, disruptive life events? Stress? It can lead to anxiety and depression. Some psychologists even think it plays a bigger role than genetics when it comes to mental illness.
That's why, for, like, thousands of years, philosophers and spiritual leaders have been talking about this healthy way of letting go. Buddhism teaches us that suffering comes from wanting things, including wanting to control everything. Taoism talks about "wu wei," which is like, "effortless action," acting in harmony with life. Hindu philosophy has "vairagya," that detachment that helps us find peace.
And you know what? Western science is finally catching up. Studies are showing that fighting everything that goes wrong can cause chronic stress, and that being able to adapt to change is a huge part of being psychologically well. It's not about fighting chaos, it's about embracing it.
Researchers even talk about "active acceptance" and "resigning acceptance." They're both about giving up trying to control things. But, in active acceptance, you acknowledge the situation and deal with it constructively. In resigning acceptance, you give up, but you also lose hope. And apparently, only active acceptance is linked to better mental health. Because then you can redirect that energy into something positive.
So, navigating disruptions isn't about just abandoning hope, and it's not about always being positive, either. It's about finding that middle ground, that active embrace of life's uncertainty. It's about finding your own version of that farmer's "maybe."
Times of disruption are a chance to loosen your grip, but keep showing up. Even when things are bad, we can tell ourselves that we're valuable, no matter what the outcome is. Our job is to stick to our commitment and let the world give us information, you know? Just showing up, being an agent of change, can help us feel more confident and prepared.
Like Vivian Greene says, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." Embracing disruptions doesn't make you weak, it makes you agile.
So, how do we do this? How do we dance with disruptions? Well, I think it's a two-step process.
The first thing to do is explore what's going on with *you*, your subjective experience, with curiosity. Then, calmly confront the objective problems.
This isn't some brand new idea or anything. Stoicism says to cultivate calm, *no matter what's going on outside*. Then, you can think logically about what you can control and what you can't. Lots of therapy is about recognizing those bad emotional responses that mess with our beliefs, and then using that awareness to change our behaviors.
Even Michael Singer, the software guy, figured this out. He said surrendering is two steps: first, let go of the likes and dislikes, the personal reactions. Second, see what the situation is asking of you.
So, step one is really about processing the subjective experience. Disruptions shake us up emotionally. So, first, pause and feel those emotions. Rapid heart rate, tense jaw, sweating, stomach feeling weird, whatever. Our brains react the same way to all threats, so those emotions can mess up our ability to think straight.
But, those emotions aren't bad. A psychologist, Emily Willroth, says anxiety can help you face a threat, anger can help you stand up for yourself, and sadness can show others you need support. It's how we *interpret* our emotions that causes suffering. We need to translate our body's reactions into something our mind can understand.
For this, there's a technique called "affective labeling." It helps you manage your body's responses by naming your emotions. Research shows it boosts activity in the prefrontal cortex, that part of the brain in charge of getting things done, making decisions, and focusing. It also reduces activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain linked to emotions and the fight-or-flight response.
So, affective labeling is putting feelings into words. As you do this, vague worries turn into solid emotions. One of the pioneers of writing therapy, James W. Pennebaker, explained that labeling our emotions frees up our brains. Once you have those words, it's easier to see what's causing them and deal with the underlying issues.
So, say you're planning a work event and a supplier is late. Or a client cancels, and your team misses a quota. Or a speaker misses their flight. Or *your* flight is canceled, and you miss a conference.
Just ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" You don't even need full sentences. Just jot down a list of adjectives: tense, worried, nervous, uneasy, concerned. Five minutes is all it takes. You can use a journal, a notes app, a scrap of paper, whatever. You can do it while walking, using the voice recorder on your phone. Just make it as easy as possible to get those emotions out.
If you can't name the emotion, use a proxy. Emotions are often linked to landscapes. Safe, resource-rich landscapes tend to make us feel good. Dense forests or deserts tend to make us feel bad, because of hidden dangers or scarcity. So, you can use that to express your emotions. Maybe you're feeling like a majestic mountain, or a vast ocean, a sandstorm, or a cloud over a beach town.
It's normal to feel distress when things get disrupted. The key is to process it with curiosity and self-compassion, so you can calmly deal with the consequences.
Which brings us to step two: managing the objective consequences. Once you've dealt with the emotional stuff, you can deal with the practical stuff. The effects of any event are like ripples in water. The disruption is obvious at first, but it gets more subtle as the waves spread. So, to navigate this, you need to see beyond the obvious and look at the less obvious consequences.
Scientists who study chain reactions call this a "consequence cascade." To figure out the potential consequences of something, they use computational models that analyze what-if scenarios. You don't need to do that, though! You can use a simplified version to deal with the objective problems that come up when something unexpected happens.
First, pinpoint the direct impact of the disruption. What's the most noticeable effect? Then, map out the potential consequences. Make a quick list or a visual map. Think of it as the next wave from the point of disruption. Then, evaluate each potential consequence. Is it significant? Is it good, bad, or neutral? Will it fix itself, or do you need to do something? Based on that, you can decide whether to take action. You might do nothing if it's minor, or if it will go away on its own. But if it's serious, it's worth figuring out how to fix it.
We often have more control than we think, and we can make smart choices about when to act. Figuring out how significant a stressor is can not only reduce anxiety, but it can also help you solve problems. It's about reacting, but not *over*reacting. It's about defanging the fear and figuring out what, if anything, needs to be done.
This might only take a few minutes if you realize the consequences are small. Because you've already named and accepted your emotions, you can deal with it and move on. Or, it could take a couple of hours if you're dealing with something complicated.
Mapping all of this out won't solve all your problems, but it will help you move forward with more clarity and confidence.
Now, as you go through those waves of consequences, you might have new feelings come up. Some scenarios might cause fear and anxiety. If that happens, just go back to labeling those emotions and repeat the two-step reset. Go back and forth between subjective experiences and objective consequences as many times as you need to.
But, always lean towards acceptance, rather than control. Ride the wave instead of trying to stop it. It's not about creating some master plan that makes you think you're in control. It's about de-escalating the consequences of any setback so you can move forward, rather than giving up.
This web developer, Pierre Ntiruhungwa, he expected things to be disrupted when he quit his job to start his own company. But, his co-founder had health issues and they had to put the whole thing on hold. He was stressed, because he had to worry about money, of course, and everything that had worked before, just, didn't work now. "I started saying yes to everything to not be in a position where I don’t have money—even jobs that paid really low just so I could pay rent. I was working a lot, including the unpaid job of trying to find jobs.”
To get through that, he first labeled his emotions: shaken confidence, insecurity, helplessness. He knew those feelings were valid, and then he was able to tackle the practical stuff. He borrowed money from friends to make rent, which allowed him to be more selective with clients and build strong relationships with web development agencies. Now his freelance business is doing great, but he still has disruptions sometimes. And when he does, he just repeats the two-step reset.
Once you learn to let go, you'll not only feel less stressed when things get disrupted, but you'll also be able to navigate those disruptions better. As Alan Watts said, life is a musical thing, and you're supposed to sing or dance while the music is being played. Life, like music, has highs and lows, crescendos and silences. Embracing those movements isn't just a strategy, it's the essence of the dance. The chaos of change can spark new ideas. New opportunities arise. It's a vast, dynamic system that invites you to engage in creative problem-solving.
Dancing with chaos isn't just about surviving. It's about feeling alive and open to the world, welcoming change, and finding humor in life's tricky moments. So, yeah, dance on.