Chapter Content
Okay, so, um, let's talk about unlocking social flow. This is, like, something I've been thinking a lot about lately. So, in my newsletter, I always put a little postscript, just asking people how they're doing, you know, like, encouraging them to think about things. And, well, when the whole, you know, COVID thing hit, and everyone was in lockdown, I got, like, a *ton* of responses. Way more than usual. People were saying they felt disconnected, work was lonely, they were in a creative slump, anxious about everything. It really showed how much we need each other, you know? Like, when we're cut off from other people, it really messes with our heads, our focus, and even our inspiration.
Think about it, like, yeah, individual curiosity is great, but it's *collective* curiosity that drives the biggest innovations. Like, we need conversations to spark our imagination, and we need to collaborate to dream big. We're just wired to work better when we're sharing knowledge and getting support from a community.
You've probably heard of "flow states," right? That feeling when you're super focused and engaged in what you're doing. Usually, people think of that as a solo thing, like, playing an instrument or writing, whatever. But it turns out, researchers have found that flow states actually happen *more* easily in groups! Like, musicians in small groups get into "the zone" more than when they're practicing by themselves. And athletes in team sports? Same deal. Even if not everyone is in flow, being interdependent helps everyone focus better. And, get this, even though doing something alone is fun, sharing that focus with others, sinking into that optimal state *together*? It's even more rewarding.
When you experience social flow, the group's energy boosts your own thinking, and that shared focus really sharpens your concentration. The group kinda pulls you deeper into what you're doing. And beyond just the focus, these gatherings give you this real sense of fulfillment. Social flow makes the whole thing, both the end result *and* the journey, so much better.
That's probably why so many influential artists, philosophers, scientists, you know, they've always been part of these vibrant "scenes," these creative communities where everyone's bouncing ideas off each other and inspiring one another. Like, think about the Impressionist painters in Paris, hanging out in cafes, arguing about art. That gave Monet and Renoir access to, like, totally new ideas about light and color, and it shaped their whole style. Or Freud in Vienna, getting insights from those salon discussions that helped him develop his psychoanalysis theories. And the Algonquin Round Table in New York? Writers, critics, actors, all together, sparking these witty conversations that influenced American literature and drama. Even the Bloomsbury Group with Virginia Woolf and John Maynard Keynes, exchanging ideas in London, early 20th century... these hubs have been super important for growth, creativity, and intellect, you know?
Someone, Anna Gát, she's reviving the whole salon thing with something called Interintellect, and she said it's "much easier to hold a thought during a salon, even for hours, than just think about it by yourself." She said these salons create shared humanity, where you can "co-think" together in conversation. And by unlocking this social flow, members of Interintellect have actually, like, written books together, started companies, quit their jobs, even moved countries because they got inspired by the network.
And it's wild, but even in the art world, social flow translates to actual value. What collectors call "provenance"—the context, the story, the people involved, whose lives the artwork has touched—that stuff really matters to how much a piece is worth.
Basically, when you surround yourself with people who push you to experiment and grow, you're gonna find new communities and creative areas you wouldn't have found on your own. Your ideas stop being just your own and become part of something bigger, something people want to be a part of.
So, across history, a lot of smart people have come to the same conclusion: we can't really flourish on our own. But our culture still tends to romanticize the lone hero. Like, everyone knows Einstein's E=mc², but not a lot of people know about Henri Poincaré, a French mathematician and physicist, who had talked about relativity and came up with a similar equation *before* Einstein. Or Hendrik Lorentz, who also provided important theoretical insights. All these people contributed to a puzzle that no single person could solve.
Social flow shows us that what you know is really tied to who you know. Building relationships shouldn't feel like a chore, like the "dirty work" you have to do. These relationships are going to improve your work, support your work, and inspire new work.
When you combine individual curiosity, you get three things: A community gives you access to collective knowledge, skills, and stuff that's way bigger than what you have on your own. It lets you achieve things you couldn't do alone, *and* more efficiently. Your network's talents fill in your gaps and expand what you can do.
Psychologists call this "transactive memory." It's when everyone knows who knows what, so you can use the group's knowledge and make progress faster. Think about it, marathon runners can just focus on running because their coach is handling training, their nutritionist is planning their diet, and their sponsor is taking care of everything else. Chefs focus on cooking because their teams handle everything else in the kitchen. Doctors in the ER rely on nurses and technicians, so they can focus on diagnosing. Tapping into the group mind enhances your efficiency and reach. You save time and energy by focusing on what you're good at and trusting others to fill the gaps.
Courtland Allen started Indie Hackers to create a community where people could share knowledge and help each other build online businesses. He saw that founders needed real advice from people who had built successful companies, not just the usual PR stuff. By bringing people together, he made that valuable information accessible. And it worked! A year later, Stripe bought it, and it's become a huge platform where founders share their journeys, ask questions, and exchange ideas. Channing Allen, his brother, said, "Whatever path you want to take in entrepreneurship, there is someone like you on Indie Hackers who has shared their story."
As a community member, you get access to a living collection of knowledge that you can't find in books. People go to Reddit and Quora for specific questions instead of magazines because a community talks—a lot! And those conversations create something bigger than just the sum of its parts. It’s an ongoing exchange of ideas that keeps you updated, and lets you ask questions directly to the community.
Researchers found that getting information is the most popular reason for joining a community. The specialized and current information from these collaborative platforms gives you an edge. It's almost like an unfair advantage.
Also, if you participate with genuine curiosity, a community can change your path in unexpected ways. You might join for one reason, but the relationships you make open up opportunities you never thought possible. A writer might meet a developer and start a startup. A student might connect with a mentor. You might find new interests or business ideas. The people you meet can become collaborators, clients, employers, or advisors.
These interactions are more likely in "communities of practice," groups of people who care about the same things and learn from each other. People join the Ness Labs community to share mindful productivity advice, but over the years, members have started businesses together, created workshops, found freelance work, and hired other members.
Andrew Nalband, the founder of Thunk, found collaborators in the Ness Labs community, someone helped him with front-end work, and he got his early users there. He even created a writing course with another member.
Some became language-learning partners. Ellane Weedon said the flashcards she makes are easier to remember because they're about topics that matter to her.
Lukas Rosenstock uses the community to discuss books and create accountability. He said the community helps him kick-start things because he knows he'll find people who are interested. It's even changed the way he travels. Now he plans trips based on who he wants to meet in person. He said, "I'm visiting cities where I've never been, but it feels like coming back to meet friends." When a member from India visited Germany, she stayed at his house, and they both felt like they could trust each other because they were part of the same community. It didn't feel like meeting a stranger.
The ripple effect can really change your journey. By being open to opportunities, you can get new perspectives, make meaningful relationships, and grow beyond what you expected.
And finally, communities can also provide critical help when you're going through a tough time. They offer emotional support, advice, and a sense of belonging, which helps you stay strong. Studies show that being part of a community improves your mental health and happiness.
If you lose your job, members can connect you with new opportunities. If you have a legal issue, someone might offer referrals. If a family member passes away, a community can raise money. Beyond practical help, a community can also provide moral support. Tamara Sredojevic felt supported by the Women Make community when she was switching careers. They shared tips on courses, gave feedback on her portfolio, and helped her with the code on her websites. She even got to know people who coached her and people she later hired.
She credits the collaboration in the community for creating a safe space where she could discuss issues like inclusion, diversity, ethical design, and accessibility, which became her specialty. She said, "I owe these women a lot."
You don't have to get all your needs met by one group. Community needs are complex. A mastermind group can offer peer support, a sports team can provide excitement, and a nonprofit can let you contribute to a cause. An online forum can help you stay on top of trends, and your alumni group can provide networking.
Besides the practical benefits of sharing your peers' energy, the bonds you form give you a sense of belonging, which makes the journey more enjoyable. By supporting the people around you, you'll enrich your own life.
So, attending events where you don't know anyone, leading a group, or mentoring others can be scary. You might worry that you won't have enough time or energy, or that people will expect too much. But communities don't have to be overwhelming. You decide how involved you want to be. You can start small and slowly increase your commitment.
Think of yourself as an apprentice, artisan or architect.
As an apprentice, if joining a community seems hard, start by being more thoughtful about your existing relationships. Choose to invest in deeper conversations, share your true self, ask thoughtful questions, and listen to others' perspectives. Find people who share your interests, join a book club, attend local events, or reach out to old connections.
As an artisan, when you're ready for more, start using your skills to contribute to the community. Help others, give advice to beginners, collaborate on projects, volunteer to speak, or write a blog post. In the Ness Labs community, many members volunteer to host workshops. Javier Luis Gomez hosts weekly coworking sessions for members. He said, "The more you put into a community, the more you get out of it. I get stuff done, and it's nice to see the same people every week, to have this sense that there are people out there who know my story." The key is to figure out how your curiosity can serve others.
As an architect, you might want to scale up your impact by shaping the community's vision or even building your own community. The Rebel Book Club started when two friends decided to read a book together every month and invited others to join. Derrick Downey Jr. started posting videos of the squirrels visiting his patio and built a global community of squirrel lovers. And the Ness Labs community started from a newsletter when I started facilitating connections instead of just broadcasting information.
Anyone can turn their curiosity into a thriving community. You don't have to be special. You just need to gather a circle of curious people who want to explore ideas together.
A curiosity circle is a community focused on connection and learning. It could be around a common interest or experience, and it shouldn't be based on expertise, but on curiosity.
Building a curiosity circle is more like building a campfire than lighting a match. It can't rely on just you for very long. I've led several communities, including the largest online community for young writers in France, a small community of newsletter writers, and Ness Labs. Here are the lessons I've learned:
Start small. "Jugaad," which is Hindi, means solving problems with limited resources. It's about starting small and using what's available. Instead of thinking about big events, ask yourself: What's the smallest, easiest version of a curiosity circle you can create with your current resources? Ankit Shah, after building Tea with Strangers, knows a lot about running a community. But when he wanted to connect with others around meditation, he started a small circle in his living room with just a few cushions and candles. He said, "Starting big can get in the way of finding your people. When I think of bringing people together for any kind of community gathering, I think of what I'm actually looking for." He wanted to meditate once a week, so he didn't need a big organization. Your curiosity circle may grow, or it may stay small. Let those decisions happen along the way.
Be upfront. When Lukas Rosenstock hosted his first party, he admitted that he didn't have it all figured out. He said, "I didn't pretend to be confident about the concept, but instead always mentioned that I got the idea from a book and that it was an experiment, so people knew what they signed up for." Studies show that we form deeper relationships when we share vulnerable information. By being open about the experimental nature of your community, you encourage others to be open, too. Whether you're starting a community for the first or tenth time, tell people that you're learning and that you might make mistakes. This way, your curiosity circle becomes a place for co-exploration.
Don't overthink it. People who take action tend to do well in new environments because they take initiative instead of getting stuck. This is helpful when creating a curiosity circle. When Carl Martin moved to Folkestone, he posted a notice online: "Men of Folkestone, how would you like a space to meet other lads and dads, chat about life, manhood and make friends?" More than twenty people came to the first meetup. He said, "Afterwards someone said, 'You have no idea how much I needed this.' It's just the simplicity of feeling connected to someone." Now there are more than a hundred men in the Folkstone Fellas group chat.
Make it cozy. Creating psychological safety, where members feel they can speak up without being judged, is key to making your curiosity circle secure and inclusive. Nick Gray, author of "The 2-Hour Cocktail Party," said, "A lot of the advice I give first-time hosts is to let their guests know what to expect. Especially for introverts or people with social anxiety, that will help with psychological safety." This applies to new members of your community. A few details can ensure everyone is at ease. This could be listing potential topics and, if it's in person, the kinds of snacks and facilities that will be available. This creates ambient belonging, where individuals sense they fit in. When people feel at home, they're more likely to participate fully, share openly, and engage deeply. Being comfortable also makes it easier for members to have honest conversations, even when they disagree. As Adam Grant puts it, "The clearest sign of intellectual chemistry isn't agreeing with someone. It's enjoying your disagreements with them."
Don't hold the reins too tight. While having a vision is important, too much structure can stifle creativity. Giving members freedom to take the initiative can lead to unexpected things, and sharing responsibilities promotes collaboration. Rosie Sherry, who advises companies on community building, said, "As community builders, it's our responsibility to lift members up and show people they have good ideas." Encourage autonomy, competence, and relatedness, which are all key, and allow for informal interactions and unplanned activities. At Ness Labs, we let members self-organize groups around topics they care about, and we have members who host their own recurring events. This has led to the creation of new groups and events, which I wouldn't have had the resources to launch myself.
So, the journey to collective curiosity doesn't have to be overwhelming. Start with small steps, nurture your existing relationships, contribute your skills to communities you're already in, and move at your own pace.
Before long, you'll see a tribe that fosters social flow and supports you—curious minds who expand your horizons, amplify your impact, and provide safety as you experiment with life. It's all about tapping into that collective curiosity and seeing where it takes you.