Chapter Content
Okay, so, I've been thinking a lot lately about, like, happiness and stuff. And, you know, I've come to this realization that maybe, just maybe, we're all making this huge mistake, like, a fundamental error in how we think about it all.
See, I think most of us assume that if we just change our external circumstances, you know, like, our lives will suddenly be amazing and we'll finally be happy. And, um, I'm starting to think that's totally wrong. I mean, it’s probably not even an original thought, like, it's not like I invented this or anything, but I think it's this like, really, really old idea, a Buddhist concept I've only recently started to really *get*. And it's made me realize I've been totally looking at happiness all wrong.
Like, for example, I just bought a new car, right? And I'm, like, waiting for it to be delivered. And naturally, I'm super focused on it, you know? I'm spending all my evenings on these car forums, like, researching every little thing. And it’s weird because why am I even doing that? It's just a car! It's not really going to fundamentally change my life, you know? I know that as soon as I actually *have* the car, I'll probably stop even thinking about it. So, the problem is, like, I’m kind of obsessed with this *wanting*, this "desire" for something external. It’s like, I have this delusion that this object is somehow going to bring me happiness and joy.
And the thing is, fundamentally speaking, seeking happiness from things outside of yourself is, like, a fool’s errand. I mean, I'm not saying the material world isn’t important or anything. We're social creatures, right? We have to, you know, fulfill certain social obligations. And you know, a lot of life is just trying to, within your limited power, reduce disorder, you know, that whole entropy thing. That’s, like, a responsibility you have, or at least I think so.
We all have responsibilities, you know? We can't just, like, lie on the beach meditating all day, every day. We need to achieve self-worth and, like, fulfill our purpose and all that jazz.
But if we think that changing the outside world is somehow going to bring us inner peace, lasting happiness, and, like, the joy we think we deserve, then we're basically deluding ourselves. And everyone, including me, suffers from this. We keep clinging to these beliefs, like, "Once I get *that*, *then* I'll be happy." That's like, the fundamental error we're making, all the time. It’s this fundamental delusion that there's always this *one thing* that's going to make us feel satisfied and happy forever.
So, think about it this way: Desire is just a promise you make to yourself, saying, "I will not be happy until I get what I want." And I don't think most people even realize that's what's going on. We live our lives constantly in a state of wanting and then wonder why we're not happy! So, I've realized that desire is a source of my suffering, personally. And so, I want to be aware of my desires so I can be more careful about choosing them. My goal is to try, under all circumstances, to not have more than one desire in life at a time. And even then, choosing even one desire is still kind of asking for trouble!
It's like, recently, I've come to realize that it’s more important to adjust my desires than to actually do a bunch of things I don't even *really* want to do.
I mean, when you're young and healthy, you can do more things, right? And the more you do, the more you want. But you don’t realize that this is kind of destroying your happiness. It's kind of weird, I’ve noticed that the younger people are, the healthier they are, the lower their happiness index seems to be. And then, as you get older and your body starts to fail you, your happiness actually goes up.
You know, when you're young, you have time and health, but no money. In middle age, you have money and health, but no time. And then when you’re old, you have money and time, but no health. And the winners, the true winners, are those people who manage to somehow have time, health, and money all at the same time.
Because so often, by the time people feel like they have enough money, they've already lost their time or their health. Or, you know, both. It’s just something to think about.