Chapter Content
Okay, so, like, if you had asked me ten years ago if I was happy, I probably would've just, you know, dodged the question. I really didn't want to even talk about happiness.
Like, if happiness was scored out of ten? Back then, I was probably, like, a two or three. Maybe a four on a good day. But, honestly, it just wasn't that important to me back then, you know?
But now? Now I'm, like, a solid nine. Okay, having money definitely helps, but it only plays a small part, actually. The biggest shift has been, I think, realizing over time that making myself happy is the *most* important thing and, like, actively using techniques to cultivate it. Yeah.
It's almost like happiness isn't about, like, your genes or even your choices, really. It's more of, well, like a skill you can actually learn and develop. You know, just like working out to get stronger, or eating right to get nutrients.
I think happiness, like, you know, all these big concepts, its meaning, like, totally changes over time, right? As a kid, you ask your mom, “What happens when you die? Is there really a Santa? Is there a God? Should I be happy? Who should I marry?” And like, there's no single right answer to any of that stuff, because, well, no single answer works for *everyone*. Eventually, you figure out *an* answer, but it's just for *you*.
What's true for one person might be totally wrong for another, and vice versa. What I think happiness *is* might be completely different from what *you* think it is. And that’s why, I think, exploring *your* definition is really important.
I know some people think happiness is, like, a state of flow, you know, when you're totally absorbed in something. Others think it's just about getting what you want. Some people just think it's being content with what you have. Even *my* definition keeps changing. What I would've said last year would be totally different from what I'd say today.
Right now? I think happiness is, like, a state of non-desire, basically. It's, like, when you remove that feeling of *lack* from your life, that's when happiness bubbles up.
Humans, we're these, like, super subjective machines, constantly judging *everything*. We're constantly taking in information and thinking, "I need *this*," or "I need *that*," trapped in this web of desires. But happiness is, like, that state of completeness where you don't feel like anything's missing. Your brain kind of shuts off, you know? You're not dwelling on the past, not planning for the future, no regrets, no aspirations.
It's in those brief moments of no lack, that you get a sense of, well, peace. And when you're at peace, you're content, you're happy. But, yeah, you might totally disagree. Everyone's different, everyone's definition is different.
People often confuse, you know, positive thoughts and actions with happiness. But the more I read, the more I learn, and the more experience I get – and experience is key, because it gives you a practical understanding – I've realized that every positive thought actually contains a negative one. They're two sides of the same coin, you know? Like, the *Tao Te Ching* talks about this, but my explanation's probably not as good. The point is, everything's got duality, polarity. If I say I’m happy, it implies that at some point I was sad. If I say someone is attractive, it implies that others aren’t. Every positive thought has a seed of negativity in it, and vice versa. That's why, you know, so much greatness comes from suffering, actually. You gotta see the bad to really appreciate the good.
So, for me, happiness isn’t just about being positive or not having negative thoughts. It's, like, a state of being without wanting anything, especially external stuff. The less you want, the more you can accept things as they are, the quieter your mind becomes. "All suffering comes from desire," right? It's because your brain's always thinking about the future or the past. The more I'm in the present, the happier and more content I am. But if I try to, like, grab onto that happy feeling and keep it forever, well, it's not gonna last. Because then my mind is moving, my desires are moving, I'm wanting to hold on to something fleeting.
For me, happiness is mostly about the *absence* of pain, the absence of desire, not getting caught up in thinking about what's coming or what's gone, just really embracing what's here and now.
If you want inner peace, you have to, like, get beyond judging everything as good or bad.
Nature doesn't have concepts of happy or unhappy. Since the Big Bang, nature's followed these mathematical laws, cause and effect. Everything just *is*. Happiness or unhappiness only exists in our brains because we have desires and we label things as "perfect" or "imperfect."
The world's just a mirror reflecting your feelings. Reality is neutral, it doesn't judge. A tree doesn't have right or wrong, good or bad. We get all these sensory experiences, all these inputs, and *you* decide how you think about it, how you judge it, how you deal with it. The choice is yours.
That's what I mean when I say "happiness is a choice." If you believe that happiness is a choice, like I do, then you can start making that choice, you know?
Emotions seem like they're caused by outside forces, but they're really not.
As time goes on, I've also started to believe that, well, we're all just small, insignificant specks. And that’s actually helped me find more happiness, honestly. If you think you're the most important person in the universe, you're gonna expect the whole universe to bend to your will. Like, if you're *that* important, then why isn't the universe working the way you want it to? And if it doesn't, you'll feel like something's wrong.
But if you see yourself as a tiny little bacterium, you know, or an amoeba, and you see all your efforts as just writing in water or building sandcastles, then you won't have these expectations about how life "should" be. It just is. It's reality. And when you accept that, there's no, like, happy or unhappy. “Happiness” isn’t really a thing that exists, it’s just a subjective experience.
Happiness is the feeling you get after you remove that feeling of lack.
Take away "happy" and "unhappy," and what's left? It's a neutral state, but that doesn't mean it's boring. A lot of people think neutral is dull and uninspired. But it's, like, the state kids are in, actually. Kids are usually happy because they're truly present in their surroundings. They're not expecting the environment to conform to their desires. I actually think the neutral state is kind of perfect. As long as you're not caught up in your thoughts and your desires, you can find happiness.
Life is short, like a firefly in the night. A fleeting moment. You gotta make the most of it. And making the most of it doesn't mean chasing after stupid desires. It means recognizing that every second you're on this planet is precious. As a human being, you have a responsibility to make sure you're happy, and to make sure you're interpreting everything in the best possible way.
We think people can't change, but the truth is we’re actually really malleable, and the world is pretty fixed.
Can practicing meditation help you accept reality?
Yeah, but, like, not that much, honestly. (laughs) I mean, even if you meditate regularly, if someone says something that triggers you, boom, your peace is gone, and you're back to being self-driven. It's like trying to lift a one-pound weight and then someone throws a huge barbell and a bunch of plates on top of you. You can't handle that, right?
Meditation is better than nothing, sure. But even if you meditate, when real mental or emotional pain comes, you're still probably going to struggle. So, yeah, real happiness is really just a byproduct of inner peace, and inner peace mostly comes from accepting reality, not changing your external environment.
People who are very rational can train themselves to be indifferent. That is, they learn to ignore things they can’t control.
I minimize my sense of self.
I block out noise and distractions.
I don’t care about unimportant things.
I stay out of politics.
I stay away from unhappy people.
I value my time.
I read philosophy.
I meditate.
I spend time with happy and content people.
These things work.
You can methodically and gradually raise your baseline of happiness, just like you'd improve your physical fitness. Yeah.