Chapter Content
Okay, so, like, goal setting, right? We always hear about it. But what if it's actually broken? I mean, think about it.
So, I was reading about Amelia Earhart, you know, the famous pilot. And it's kinda funny, the story starts with her landing in a field, like, totally not where she was supposed to be. She was aiming for Paris, but, uh, ended up in Northern Ireland because of bad weather. Like, imagine that, right? But the thing is, she still became, like, the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic, which is just, wow.
But here's the thing, before that, she'd already crossed the Atlantic, but as a passenger! She wasn't even allowed to fly the plane. She was a social worker back then, not really making it as a pilot. But she took that opportunity, even though she wasn't flying. She even made sure she got to keep the logbook, so she had *some* kind of active role. And that first trip, even though it wasn't exactly what she wanted, opened doors for her later on.
And it wasn't just flying, either. She was, like, constantly experimenting. She worked for a phone company, tried photography, started a trucking business. She even designed her own clothing line! And in her personal life, she was just as adventurous. She told her husband she wouldn't be bound by old-fashioned rules and, well, had a lover. I mean, she was, uh, a complex person, right? All these things are what made her who she was!
Basically, we're told success is about, like, amazing talent or just, you know, grinding it out. But for Amelia Earhart, it was her curiosity, that "something inside me that has always liked to try new things," that led her to her path. She was scared sometimes, yeah, but she embraced the fear. She wanted to make a difference, but she wasn't, like, obsessed with some end goal. She enjoyed the adventure itself. And that's something we don't really hear about, all those "swerves" she took.
We're all born with that sense of adventure. Kids are always exploring, trying things, asking "Why?" A hundred times an hour, probably! They learn by doing, by failing. They're, like, these little adventure machines.
But then, you know, life happens. We're taught to perform, to meet targets, to act a certain way. We start caring what people think. We want to look confident, not improve ourselves. We look for things that give us the illusion of control, you know, productivity tools, time management, goal-setting frameworks.
And that's the problem, right? That shift from curiosity to, like, rigid determination. It's why traditional goal setting often fails us. It, um, stops us from being creative and seeing new opportunities.
Think about it, right? Philosophers were talking about goal setting thousands of years ago! And in the 60s, this psychologist, Edwin Locke, came up with this goal-setting theory. Then someone else came up with SMART goals – specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. We've all heard of them! But these are all about linear goals, right? They were created for situations where you can easily measure results and predict what's going to happen.
But life isn't like that anymore! Our challenges and dreams are often hard to define, measure, or schedule. A lot of people feel stuck because the idea of setting a specific goal feels paralyzing. When the future is uncertain, those rigid goal-setting frameworks are, like, useless. It's like throwing darts blindfolded.
That uncertainty is making people ambivalent about goals. "No goals, just vibes," right? Some people are even saying ambition is dead. But it's not ambition that's broken, it's how we approach it. It's that, like, desire for growth that's always been inside us.
We use words like "drive," "achieve," "progress." We're talking about getting *to* a target. But that means we're always seeing ourselves as "far from success." Our satisfaction is always somewhere in the future. And there's, like, a few problems with that.
First, linear goals create fear, right? Starting something new is scary. We don't know where to begin. We get overwhelmed, we doubt ourselves, we think we don't have the time or money. And we imagine all the things that could go wrong.
Second, they encourage toxic productivity. We feel like we have to be busy all the time, like we can't take breaks. We set unrealistic deadlines. We focus on finding the perfect productivity tool instead of, you know, just checking in with ourselves. We're on this treadmill of success, and we're burning out.
And third, they breed competition and isolation. When everyone's trying to climb the same ladder, we start seeing each other as rivals. We compare ourselves to others and it prevents us from working together and learning from each other.
That's why ambition has become a bad word. We think it means following some script and climbing a ladder, even if it means hurting other people. And social media makes it even worse, because we're constantly seeing everyone else's "perfect" lives.
It's like the Red Queen effect. We have to run as fast as we can just to stay in the same place. Our goals are often not even our own. We want what others want. Our goals mimic the goals of others. And the leaderboard is rigged anyway! Everyone's just showing a distorted version of their lives.
So, what happens? We start and stop constantly, go back to our comfort zone, burn out, and feel like we're failing all the time. Goals end up causing anxiety, apathy, and anger.
But, you know, it's not a crisis! It's a chance to do things differently.
Imagine you're on a long flight, right? No Wi-Fi, just, like, suspended in the air. The places and people who control your life are miles away. You don't know exactly what's going to happen when you land. How do you react?
Do you freak out? Feel helpless? Try to numb the fear? Or do you relax, get curious? Read a book, watch a movie, talk to a stranger, write in your journal? Maybe you find the mental space to do something a little bit different.
That flight is a liminal space, a place where the old rules don't apply. Life is full of these moments. And how we react to them determines how we grow.
Our brains don't like the in-betweens. We want to quickly label things as good or bad. But that can be a problem when there's no clear answer. Uncertainty can cause anxiety. We overthink things and imagine the worst.
So, we fall back on defense mechanisms: cynicism, escapism, perfectionism. We can shift between them depending on the situation.
They're normal, and they're part of a process called compensatory control. When we're stressed, we try to remove the stressor. And if we can't, we try to find things that restore our sense of control.
But these defenses don't work in the modern world. And they block us from growing, discovering ourselves, and finding excitement.
Psychologists say our freedom lies in the space between stimulus and response. We can react to uncertainty by freaking out, or we can explore the possibilities.
Like Amelia Earhart said, "The most difficult thing is the decision to act." We may not have all the information, but we can choose movement instead of paralysis. And when we do, the sky's the limit.
So, how do we go from being rigid to being experimental? We need to make three shifts in how we see the world.
First, we need to shift from freaking out to being curious. From reacting defensively to acting proactively. Instead of being passive passengers, we can explore the possibilities within the uncertainty. Not knowing the destination can spark our imagination.
Second, we need to shift from fixed ladders to growth loops. Instead of focusing on a predefined outcome, we experiment and build on each loop. We widen each loop by nurturing our creativity and exploring tangents.
And third, we need to shift from focusing on the outcome to focusing on the process. Instead of ticking off goals, we experiment incrementally. Success becomes an unfolding path, not a fixed target. We welcome change and examine what captures our attention instead of fixating on some artificial scorecard.
Linear goals promise certainty, but life isn't rigid. Experiments are built for the in-betweens. They move you forward even without a destination. You trade the illusion of control for the possibility of discovery. You befriend uncertainty. And the first step is to rekindle your curiosity.