Chapter Content
Okay, so, like, let's talk about escaping the tyranny of purpose, right? I mean, so many of us, we think that, like, everything we do has to, like, fit into this neat little story, all heading towards some, you know, ultimate, big P Purpose. And, honestly, it feels like society's, like, totally obsessed with purpose-driven careers these days. The whole idea is that we're all put here to, like, serve some super unique calling. You see it everywhere, I mean, the phrase "find your purpose" is, like, massively more popular now than it used to be.
And, look, the search for purpose, it's often, like, presented as this alternative to, like, just following a boring, you know, conventional, or even selfish career path. But I kind of think it just replaces one kind of, you know, conformity with another. Like, when we focus *so* much on purpose, we *think* we're, like, carving out this unique path, but, really, we're just limiting ourselves, you know? Limiting our potential for growth and learning.
Think about someone like Ron Finley. His life would have been *so* much smaller if he'd been, like, super rigid about having one single, you know, professional purpose. He started out as a clothing designer in LA, and his stuff was sold in big stores, all over the place. He got into fashion because he felt there weren't enough designers making clothes for people of color. It was, like, a passion project, and it was, like, commercially successful. But then the recession hit, right? Stores stopped calling, and, like, becoming a master tailor, his dream at the time, wasn't really an option anymore.
So, around that time, Ron started getting, like, really annoyed that he had to travel *miles* just to find healthy food. He said it was easier to buy street drugs than organic tomatoes. His neighborhood, South Central LA, was a food desert – or what he calls a food prison, because you had to escape it to get any healthy food. So, instead of driving forever for a tomato, he decided to, like, just grow fruits and vegetables on the strip of land between the sidewalk and the curb in front of his house.
And, like, this little experiment turned into a total revolution. When he got a citation for gardening without a permit, he fought it. Started a petition, got the city to change the law. He even gave a TED talk, which, like, kicked off this whole guerrilla gardening movement, positioning urban gardening as this revolutionary act, a way to break free from a broken food system.
I mean, what started as just wanting to grow some tomatoes turned into this, like, communal garden. He's got pear trees, orange trees, compost, figs, pomegranates, tangerines, apricots, apples, banana trees… you name it.
And here's the thing, success often, you know, leads to more success. Ron's, like, unplanned fame as a green leader has even opened up new doors for his fashion career, which he thought was, like, over. So now he's both a designer *and* an educator, and, like, a father, an activist, an artist, I mean, who knows what else? Being part of different communities, each reflecting a part of his complex identity, it's actually made him more secure. These communities provide a stable support system, anchoring him when things are uncertain in any one area.
Ron's story is a great example of this: We all have, like, unlimited possibilities inside us. Purpose is never just one thing you discover. Life is a continuous opportunity. As Ron puts it, he says, "When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them I breathe – I'm a professional breather." He says we create these false divisions, we make it all seem separate, just like we separate a garden, from a state, from a country, and ourselves from nature. He didn't go from fashion to gardening to being a humanitarian. He argues that as a gardener, he was already a humanitarian. And when he's designing, he's still a gardener. He's still creative. And he's still a father. It's all already within us.
So, when you're thinking about your life, try thinking of it as crafting a story. Not a rigid, predictable, sad story, but a tale that breaks free from the usual, you know? Because when we get stuck on finding one single purpose, we miss out on the cool side quests that help us grow. Your life doesn't have to follow these predictable acts and arcs. The best stories are full of surprises, with, like, colorful characters and unexpected twists. To write something new, we have to break free from the scripts we write for ourselves.
And, you know, those scripts? They're everywhere. As we get older, we tend to narrow our lives, right? We settle on a few interests, a small circle of friends, and we get stuck in our ways.
Think about it. If I asked you to describe going to the doctor, you'd probably say pretty much the same things as anyone else. Checking in, reading magazines, waiting to be called… We all have these patterns in our head that govern how we think, act, and make decisions. It's called Cognitive Script Theory.
Just like we have a sense of how we should behave at the doctor, we have a sense of how things "should" play out in other areas of our lives. Our brain tries to match new information with something it already knows: a cognitive script.
These scripts give us a sense of confidence. They provide, like, predictable patterns which reduce the fear of the unknown. We also feel more confident when we act in ways that align with what society expects.
It's comforting to think we know how things "should" turn out, and it's helpful for making quick decisions. But these scripts can also become chains, limiting what we think is possible. Their influence can lead us to pursue ambitions that are really just extensions of the old linear goals we've been clinging to. There are tons of cognitive scripts, but I see three main ones popping up when people consider their next steps: the Sequel, the Crowdpleaser, and the Epic.
The Sequel Script is where we think our life should be a straight line towards one purpose. We try to make our decisions fit with our past behaviors. We just keep writing sequels based on what we've already done. It's this idea that "I've always acted this way, so I have to keep acting this way." So if Ron Finley had followed the Sequel script, he might have given up on the gardening thing because it felt too different from his fashion career.
Then there's the Crowdpleaser Script. Being a famous designer was a socially acceptable kind of success for Ron. But being a "guerrilla gardener" maybe didn't carry the same status. Unless you live completely alone, you're gonna feel pressure to conform to what others see as success. That’s because if our choices differ from those of the group, the same part of our brain that deals with conflict is active. We’re afraid of social exclusion, or feel guilty about taking a different path. Even if people don't directly tell you what to do, society has taught us certain standards. Finish school, get a job, meet someone, have kids. It’s easy to fall for the Crowdpleaser script just to appease everyone around you.
And finally, the Epic Script. Even if we escape our past and what everyone else wants, we can still fall into this trap. The "follow your passion!" script. This is like, the ultimate purpose obsession: a "perfect" path built around some imagined destination. It's another linear goal, focused more on the target than the journey. Ron Finley managed to turn his passion into a career, for a while. But often, Epic scripts end in failure. And the problem with it is that survivorship bias makes us think that everyone who follows their passion will become successful.
The Epic script also implies that following your passion will automatically lead to success. That just makes it harder to cope when things get tough. It makes you dream too big, and keeps you from doing small, but meaningful experiments that might lead somewhere amazing.
The thing is, how can you even hear yourself when everyone's telling you what to do? It's easy to lose touch with yourself and your curiosity. But the good news is, just like you learned these scripts, you can unlearn them.
You need to unlearn before you can relearn to experiment and turn life into this big playground it should be. The beauty of experiments is that you don't have to force your decisions to fit into who you thought you were or wanted to be. You're allowed to go off script. You can have multiple passions. You can make progress without a fixed purpose.
So, when you're thinking about your next experiment, ask yourself these three questions: Are you following your past, or discovering your path? Are you following the crowd, or discovering your tribe? Are you following your passion, or discovering your curiosity?
Equipped with these principles, you can actively challenge your cognitive scripts and rewrite your own story to design a life that’s truly experimental.
The number one barrier to self-renewal is not lack of time or lack of money; it’s not knowing how to begin. These questions can be paralyzing, but they can also be the seed of discovery. All it takes is the courage to be curious.
To escape those old ideas, think of yourself as an anthropologist with your own life as your topic of study. Anthropologists ask fundamental questions such as: What does it mean to live in our world as a human being?
For just one day, I invite you to play a game of self-anthropology. It’s a game of curiosity, an exercise in receptiveness, a way to deactivate your cognitive scripts. It’s a fun opportunity to conduct an audit of your life and reevaluate your goals.
Simply create a new note on your phone so you can jot down thoughts as you go about your day. Call it “Field Notes” or another title that feels playful or meaningful. Then, whenever something crosses your mind, write a time stamp and a few words.
To capture representative data, you should ideally do this exercise on a typical workday. You might write something down after you read an inspiring article or listen to an infuriating podcast, record a thought-provoking phrase from a conversation with a friend or capture your feeling after they have left. The aim is not to create a lengthy narrativized record of your day or to keep a meticulous log. Don’t try to capture everything. Use your curiosity as a compass.
As a record of your activities, thoughts, and emotions, your field notes will serve as a rich source of observations that you can then turn into insights to guide the selection of your next experiment. After just twenty-four hours, you will have a treasure trove of data about a typical day in your life. Spend time reading your notes and reflecting. Look for recurring themes, interesting details, and general feelings that come up again and again.
You may notice categories for “things that give me joy” and “things that drain me,” or for “what I want more of” and “what I want less of,” or big categories for important aspects of your life such as learning, relationships, and health.
Simply by grouping your breadcrumbs into larger piles, you will see patterns emerge. Data can also tell you a lot through what is not there. Pay attention to invisible gaps and curiosity attractors: When you take a step back to consider a typical day of your life, do you feel like anything is missing? Do you feel a yearning toward something different?
Like a scientist, you can now use your observations to formulate a hypothesis. It all starts with a research question. For example, if you observe that you’re feeling energized when discussing certain topics, you might ask yourself: How can I incorporate more of this into my daily life?
Then turn this question into a hypothesis. Don’t overthink it. Formulating a hypothesis is an intuitive process based on your past experiences and present inclinations. It should simply be an idea you want to put to the test—an inkling of an answer to your research question.
Notice how different each question and its corresponding hypothesis are from linear goals. Rather than an attempt to reach a fixed destination, testing a hypothesis is an opportunity for growth. You are simply exploring your potential, driven by genuine curiosity, asking yourself: What might I find on that path? Once you have a hypothesis, you can design an experiment and turn your life into a giant laboratory for self-discovery.