Chapter Content
Okay, so, um, let's talk about assessing your social baseline, right? And to do that, we're gonna use something called a relationship map. It's actually a really cool exercise, and it's, uh, kind of based on something from this book called "The Good Life." So, basically, what it does is, it helps you figure out, like, where you're at with your relationships right now and, you know, what areas maybe need a little bit of TLC, a little bit of work.
So, there are, like, three steps to this whole thing. First, you gotta, like, list out your core relationships. Think about, you know, family, friends, your partner, people you work with, you know, that kind of thing. And, honestly, most people will probably have somewhere between ten and fifteen, maybe even up to twenty-five. Just, you know, whoever's really in your life, you know?
Then, once you have that list, you kind of have to assess them, right? So, for each one, ask yourself a couple of questions. First, is this relationship, like, supportive, ambivalent, or, uh, kind of demeaning? And then, is it, like, frequent, meaning you interact a lot, or is it infrequent?
Now, let's break those down a bit. Supportive, that's, like, you know, care, love, respect, feeling comfortable around that person. Demeaning, well, that's the opposite. It's lacking all those good things, and it can, like, actually undermine how you feel about yourself. Ambivalent, that's the tricky one. It's like, sometimes it's supportive, sometimes it's demeaning, it's kinda inconsistent, you know?
And, get this, research actually shows that ambivalent relationships can be even *more* damaging than purely negative ones! Like, apparently, people had higher blood pressure after dealing with someone who gave them mixed signals than with someone who was just straight-up negative. It's that inconsistency, that back-and-forth, that really messes with you, you know? Think about it, you've probably been there. Someone who's loving and supportive sometimes, but then, like, throws in criticism or contempt? You let them in, you open up, and then, bam, the criticism hurts even more.
Okay, so, you've assessed your relationships, right? Now comes the fun part: mapping them. You're gonna draw a simple grid. On the bottom, the x-axis, you put "Relationship Health," going from demeaning to supportive. On the side, the y-axis, put "Relationship Frequency," going from rare to, like, daily.
And then, you plot your relationships on that grid. That's it! Once you’ve got everything plotted, you’ll see some zones appear.
You’ve got your Green Zone: relationships that are both highly supportive and frequent. These are your VIPs. You wanna, like, keep pouring energy into these and, you know, let those people know how much they matter.
Then there’s the Opportunity Zone: relationships that are highly supportive but infrequent. These are the relationships you want to focus on and try to interact with more often.
Next is the Danger Zone: ambivalent and frequent relationships. These are the relationships you really need to keep an eye on. You might need to reduce how often you interact with these people or find ways to improve the supportive aspects of the relationship.
And finally, there's the Red Zone: demeaning and frequent relationships. These are the relationships you should really try to manage or even remove to reduce how often you’re negatively affected by them.
Now, it’s important to remember that this relationship map is not static. It’s a dynamic thing. Relationships will shift, people will come and go from your life. So it’s really worth revisiting this exercise regularly.