Chapter Content
Okay, so, let's talk about something that I think we all struggle with, right? It's this idea of perfection. And, you know, I was reading about Shonda Rhimes – yeah, *the* Shonda Rhimes, of Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, all that stuff – and it just blew my mind.
So, like, right out of college, she was killing it. Peabody Award, worked with Jada Pinkett Smith, wrote a Britney Spears movie, even did a Disney thing with Julie Andrews! Seriously impressive. And then, of course, she created Grey's Anatomy, which was, like, a huge deal.
But, what’s interesting is that even though she was super successful, she eventually felt this need to kind of... explore other things, you know? She started a magazine and podcast company, and then she went over to Netflix and did Bridgerton, which, by the way, got *over* 500 million views in the first month!
So, you're probably thinking, "How does she do it ALL?" And, honestly, that's the thing – she *doesn't*. I heard this quote from a commencement speech she gave, and it really stuck with me. She said, "Whenever you see me succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means that I am failing in another area of my life."
Like, she might miss a script rewrite because she's making Halloween costumes for her kids. Or she might miss bedtime story time because she's stuck finishing a script at work. She even missed Sandra Oh's last scene on Grey's because she was at her daughter's school musical. And, she basically said that she’s okay with that! If she’s rocking one thing, something else is probably falling apart. That’s just life, right?
And that's kind of the key takeaway here, I think. It's not about chasing some impossible idea of perfection, but about embracing the juggle. You know, constantly shifting your focus to what's most important *right now*. We’re never perfectly balanced, but we can keep moving, keep adjusting.
Now, perfectionism, ugh, it’s a tricky beast. It shows up in so many ways, like, you're afraid to make mistakes, you set crazy high goals, you're always worried about what other people think, or you overthink *everything*. And where does that even come from, right? Often, it’s from our past. Maybe you had super critical parents, or you only got praised when you achieved something, not for just trying. Maybe being perfect felt like the only way to feel safe.
And that kind of thing can make you tie your self-worth to your accomplishments. You start to feel like you're never good enough, that you always have to be doing *more*. And that, honestly, just kills your curiosity and sets you up for disappointment.
But here's the thing: failure is part of growth. Stephen Hawking, you know, the super smart physicist, said that “One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist. Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.” So, we gotta be kinder to ourselves, right? Celebrate the effort, embrace the imperfections.
I read this story about these two professors, Gloria Origgi and Diego Gambetta, who were talking about their experiences working in Italy, and they were noticing this… well, a kind of laid-back approach to things. Like, showing up at a conference and finding out your speaking time was totally different from what you were told. Or deadlines that felt more like suggestions. All kinds of chaotic stuff.
And it made them wonder, why are Italians okay with this kind of… mediocrity? But then, you look at Italy – the food, the history, the scenery – and it’s all about *la dolce vita*, the sweet life. Taking time to enjoy simple things, you know?
But, there’s also that "sour" side, right? The bureaucracy, the delayed trains, the "yes" that actually means "no." And yet, Italy is also known for incredible excellence in fashion, cars, wine. It's not accidental. They focus on what they value *most*. Healthcare? Top-notch. Postal service? Well... not so much. They're not trying to be perfect at *everything*.
This Italian philosopher, Lucilio Vanini, said that the greatest perfection lies *in* imperfection. He said that a world without the possibility of change wouldn't be perfect, it would be *dead*. It’s that potential for development that makes things truly perfect. It’s like a painting that doesn’t answer every question, but leaves room for your imagination, right?
So, it's not about a life without frustrations. It’s about accepting that you have to let go of the idea of absolute perfection to live an excellent life. That balance between sweet and sour – that's where the flavor is. And studies even show that people who embrace life’s imperfections are actually more mentally resilient. It’s easier to deal with stress and maintain your mental health when you accept that life is just a mix of good and bad.
Intentional imperfection isn't about not trying your best. It's about being smart about where you put your energy, knowing that you can’t be the best at *everything* all the time. It’s striving for *sustainable* excellence, not just fleeting perfection.
There was this guy, Ben Trosky, who was a really successful bond manager. He said his secret was that he *never* tried to have the number one fund in any *single* year. He figured that the people who got to the top were usually taking crazy risks, and that success didn't last. Instead, he aimed to be in the top 10 percent *over ten years*. Small, consistent swings, balancing risk and reward. He called it "strategic mediocrity," being excellent in the long run by not always chasing the highest-performing bonds in the short term.
So, like those investors who risk it all for short-term gains, we sometimes risk our mental health in the pursuit of perfection. The thrill of being on top might be great for a little while, but what's the cost? Putting 100 percent effort into *everything* is a recipe for burnout.
Being in the top ten percent for the long haul means being smart about where you invest your energy. Not fast and furious, but slow and steady. Sacrificing that immediate reward for long-term success. You gotta be selective! Ask yourself, “What’s most important *right now*?”
It's like, I saw this parent on social media who said, "It's wild to see babies struggling with things like, 'You have to take your hand out of your mouth if you want to use your hand for other things,' and realizing that many adults *still* struggle with slightly more sophisticated versions of the same problem."
Accept your limitations! You can't excel at *everything* all at once. You can't hold the ducky and play the saxophone at the same time, right?
When I was writing this, I knew I needed to dedicate at least five hours a week to it. But I also knew I couldn't do everything else I was supposed to be doing as a doctoral student. So, I had an honest conversation with my advisors. I said, "I’m not gonna teach as much. I won't mentor undergrads this summer. I won't present all my findings at conferences."
I focused on the core stuff, publishing the results, and I didn’t do all the extra things. I knew I had limited resources, and I chose intentional imperfection over being one of the people who never finish their PhD.
There was even this awesome opportunity to submit a paper to a special journal issue. It was perfect for my research, but we only found out about it a couple weeks before the deadline. I could have pulled all-nighters, but I knew I couldn’t do that and still meet my writing commitments. So, I passed. The paper ended up being published somewhere else. By focusing on long-term goals, I protected my mental health and still did awesome work.
There's this other guy, Piotr Synowiec, who always wanted to learn to code. But he knew that learning to code *and* running his branding studio would be too much. So, he chose intentional imperfection. He focused on the studio, where he was doing a huge rebranding project for a cosmetics company.
But he didn't give up on coding entirely. He just didn't rush it. He coded at least once a week. Sometimes it was just ten minutes in the evening. Sometimes it was just one hour the whole week. It took him two years to learn to code, and another three to build his first app.
But he did it! And he’s proud of himself for being patient and learning so much. He maintained his standards at the branding studio while slowly, but surely, building his app. He wasn't chasing that "work like hell" myth, and he didn't sacrifice his mental health. He knew it wasn’t about being the best at everything all the time. Excellence is a marathon, not a sprint.
So, focus on what really matters in the moment, let go of the idea of perfection, and you can achieve sustainable success. Start by thinking about the patterns where you tend to aim unrealistically high. If you feel stretched, write down all your commitments and think about what success would look like for each one.
Chances are, that's enough to tell you that you can't do it all at once. Pretend you're advising a friend and be honest with yourself. How much effort would it take to do all that stuff to your standards? Do you *really* have enough hours in the day? Have you already started to subconsciously sacrifice socializing or exercise?
Choose progress over perfection. Decide what parts of your life and work you can let slide a little so you can excel somewhere else. It doesn't have to be forever! Maybe it's just for the next week, or just for today.
Accepting that not *everything* has to be perfect makes for a less stressful and more fulfilling life. Focus on what matters. Turn frustration into curiosity. See setbacks as creative challenges.
There’s this ancient Japanese art called kintsugi. When pottery breaks, instead of trying to hide the damage, they repair it with lacquer mixed with gold or silver. So instead of making it look like nothing happened, it accentuates the breakage, making it visually part of the item, showing the beauty that comes from the imperfections.
There was an exhibit at the Getty where the artists worked without erasers, embracing emerging shapes and unexpected results, letting the imperfections lead them to new places. They saw mistakes as an open door to something we don't control. It's those spaces where the unknown becomes reachable, and you're surprised by the poetry of the unexpected.
Intentional imperfection can actually fuel creativity. Once you accept that you can't do everything perfectly, you start thinking about new ways to work within your limitations. Maybe you'll discover that a less-than-perfect approach is actually a more creative one, and that constraints can unlock exciting new possibilities.
So, ditch the mad dash for perfection and enjoy meandering along the road to excellence, no matter how imperfect the path looks. You know, it's all good.