Chapter Content
Okay, so, like, chapter fifteen, right? Um, it's all about procrastination, and, honestly, it's something I think we all struggle with, you know? Especially when it's something *we* chose to do, like, a project or a goal we set for ourselves. It's like, why are we even putting this off? And the internet is, like, totally flooded with advice on how to, like, *beat* procrastination.
But a lot of that advice, honestly, it's kinda... harsh. You know? Like, "just force yourself," or, "punish yourself if you don't do it." A friend of mine called it "white-knuckling," which, yeah, that's pretty accurate. Like, you're just clenching your fists and hoping your willpower is strong enough. I mean, some people even go to extreme lengths, like, locking away their phones or, um, even, like, hiding their clothes so they can't leave the house until they finish working. That's intense, right?
And even the more reasonable advice, like, breaking things into smaller steps or finding an accountability partner... it just, like, never really works in the long run. You schedule time, and then you completely forget to look at your calendar. You set a timer, and then you just ignore it when it goes off. You stop meeting with your accountability partner, you know, because you, like, have an "emergency," and then you just kinda... ghost them.
And the thing is, it's not because we're lazy or undisciplined. Like, that's not the reason. It's because all that advice is based on a really... simplistic view of why we procrastinate in the first place.
So, like, there's this idea... death by two arrows, basically. The first arrow is the procrastination itself, you know? Like, all the distractions we turn to when we're avoiding something. Scrolling on social media, binge-watching TV, online shopping... all that stuff. And, yeah, procrastination isn't new, but, like, the sheer number of distractions we have now is, like, a whole army of sirens, amplified and autotuned, you know?
But the real problem isn't the first arrow, it's the second one. It's, like, our *reaction* to procrastinating. The guilt, the shame, the anxiety. Studies have shown that those feelings are, like, super common when we procrastinate. And it's no wonder, because we've been taught that procrastination is, like, a sign of weakness or worthlessness. So we end up feeling awful about ourselves, which, ironically, makes it even *harder* to actually get started. It's a downward spiral, right?
So, what if, instead of, like, beating ourselves up, we got *curious* about why we're procrastinating? That's the idea.
Because, you know, science tells us that procrastination isn't a moral failing. It's actually a *listening* failure. And that's why trying to, like, "beat" it is not just ineffective, it's counterproductive.
Think of your brain as a team, right? You've got, like, the limbic system, which is the emotional part, the part that wants instant gratification. And then you've got the frontoparietal network, which is the rational, planning part. And when we procrastinate, it's basically because those two aren't communicating very well. It's not just a battle between your present self and your future self, it's poor teamwork.
So, a lot of the pain we feel when we procrastinate comes from seeing it as an enemy, instead of a partner. We need to, like, listen to the signals our brain is sending us and figure out what's going on. Don't shoot the messenger, you know?
Ironic story, it actually took me forever to start writing *this* chapter! Like, instead, I finished a grant proposal, cleaned up my notes, learned a new AI transcription tool... I was, like, super productive! Just not on the thing I was supposed to be doing.
So, telling yourself to "just do it" isn't going to help. If you try to ignore those feelings, you're missing out on valuable information. You're, like, wandering around in the dark.
So I finally decided to stop ignoring the signals. I realized, I was actually feeling kinda inadequate. Like, how could I write about procrastination when I still struggle with it myself? Plus, I felt like I couldn't just rely on research papers. I needed to talk to people, hear their stories.
So, I stopped reading papers and started doing interviews. I asked people, "What does it feel like when you procrastinate? What's your reaction?" And it was, like, a game changer! I left each conversation feeling energized and, you know, ready to learn more.
So, instead of, like, recoiling from your procrastination, try examining it with kindness and curiosity. Are you suddenly feeling tired when you try to start a specific task? Are you avoiding a project by reading about all the tools you *might* need? What’s going on?
If you ask yourself these questions in a nonjudgmental way, procrastination can be a helpful indicator, shifting your internal monologue from self-blame to self-discovery.
Maybe you're putting off writing a report because you're worried it won't be perfect. Maybe you're avoiding a project because you don't know where to start, or because it doesn't excite you. Or maybe the task is, like, designed in a way that makes it feel overwhelming. It's not about laziness, it's about identifying those roadblocks.
You know, procrastination basically means not doing what you think you *should* be doing. And those feelings of shame and guilt come from that word "should." It's, like, a dictator telling you what to do. So, we need to move beyond that first-order level of analysis, you know, "I *should* be doing this, but I'm not." And ask ourselves, "Why am I procrastinating?"
Think of it like playing Clue, right? You have to figure out the details of the crime. There are tons of possibilities, but the list of possible explanations for your procrastination is actually much shorter. They all fall into three categories: your head, your heart, or your hand.
There was this guy, Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi, who believed that education should be available to everyone. And he had this motto: "Learning by head, hand, and heart." And, later, this professor, Hugo Kehr, used that motto for his research on motivation. He found that motivation comes from the interplay of rational (head), affectional (heart), and practical (hand) factors.
So, whenever you're procrastinating, ask yourself:
Head: Is the task appropriate?
Heart: Is the task exciting?
Hand: Is the task doable?
I call this the Triple Check.
So, with your "head," you want to figure out if this is the wisest course of action. If the answer is no, or you're not sure, you're probably skeptical about the benefits. For small tasks, just ditch them! It saves energy. But for bigger tasks, you need to dig deeper. Like, why do you think it's not the right approach? And then, reconsider your strategy.
James Clear, the author of *Atomic Habits*, had to do this with his newsletter. He realized it wasn't working for him anymore, so he had to come up with a new strategy, which eventually became the 3-2-1 newsletter.
And if you can't just change the strategy on your own, at least you can talk to your team or your clients.
If the strategy *is* sound, then the problem might be your "heart." Is the task exciting? If not, what are you feeling? Fear? Boredom? Irritation? It might not align with your idea of fun.
Sometimes, just identifying the feeling is enough. But if it's deeper than that, try free-writing about the task for ten minutes. Let your feelings flow, and then look for patterns. Do you notice a rise in negative feelings when the task involves a certain person, situation, or topic?
The stronger the feelings, the more important it is to, like, lean into them. Instead of blaming yourself. And, for stronger feelings, you can try a pairing method. If the task is sound but boring, pair it with something you enjoy. Listen to music, go to a coffee shop, turn it into a game.
And then there's your "hand." Is the task doable? Do you have the skills and tools you need? If not, can you get help from someone else? Take a course, find a coach.
But be careful not to use learning as a form of procrastination. Sometimes, it's not a lack of skills, it's a lack of confidence. And in that case, getting input from someone more experienced is the best way to go.
So, the Triple Check helps you shift from self-blame to self-discovery. When the answer to all three questions is yes, your head, heart, and hand are in harmony. It's easy to get started, and easy to keep going. If you're missing one or more of those components, you're going to struggle.
And, you know, as soon as you realize there's a discrepancy, take it as a signal to reconsider your approach.
Okay, but what if your head, heart, and hand *are* perfectly aligned, and you're still procrastinating? Maybe the problem isn't you, it's the *system* you're working in.
I talked to this nurse, Amy, who loved her job and cared about her patients. But she still found herself procrastinating sometimes. And she always blamed herself. But it turned out, the hospital was overworking her and everyone else. The demands were insane, especially during the pandemic. So, procrastinating was actually an act of self-preservation.
She eventually realized it wasn't a personal failure, it was a systemic failure. And she ended up quitting her job. She had three hundred hours of unused paid time off!
So, if your head, heart, and hand are aligned and you're still stuck, look outside yourself. Seek support, advocate for changes, or prioritize your mental health and leave the system.
And, finally, procrastination can actually help reveal your innate curiosities. What do you find yourself doing when you're putting things off? Are you reading about a certain topic? Exploring a hobby? These aren't just distractions, they're often expressions of your genuine interests. Maybe it's time for a new pact!
Constantly watching home improvement videos? Maybe you want to explore interior design. Always cooking when you're procrastinating? Maybe you want to learn more about culinary arts.
As you become better at hearing its message, procrastination stops being a barrier and becomes a gateway to self-discovery.