Chapter Content
Alright, so let's talk about making conversation. You know, we all want to be better at connecting with people, right? And, uh, there are some real keys to becoming a skilled conversationalist, things that anyone can learn, no matter what your personality is like. Because, listen, whether you're an extrovert who, like, never shuts up, or an introvert who's too shy to start a conversation, you can still get better. It's not about your natural tendencies; it's about learning some techniques.
So, I want to share four core principles that can really help, principles that any of us can use, regardless of whether you’re outgoing or a bit more reserved.
Okay, Principle Number One: Create Doorknobs. Okay, this is a great one. I heard this term from an improvisation artist. The idea is that some questions are like, well, stop signs. They basically invite a short answer that kills the conversation. But doorknobs? Doorknobs are questions or statements that invite the other person to, like, open them up and, you know, walk through into a story.
Think about it this way: Asking "Where did you get married?" is probably going to get you a location, and that’s it. End of discussion, pretty much. But asking "How did you decide on the wedding venue?" is a doorknob. It's way more likely to lead to a story, right? And every story is a chance for you to connect. So, you should be the one creating those doorknobs.
And listen, I've got some examples here. I actually use these quite a bit myself. I’d definitely suggest thinking about how *you’d* answer these, too, because the other person is totally going to flip them back on you! So be prepared.
Okay, here's a few conversation starters: “What are you most excited about right now, personally or professionally?” Or, “What was your favorite, or maybe least favorite, thing about your hometown?” Another one: “What’s the origin of your name? Why did your parents give you that name?” And how about, “What is the most interesting thing you’ve read or learned recently?” Or, “What is the best movie or show you’ve seen recently? What made it so compelling to you?” Oh, and this one’s good: "What's been making you smile recently?" And, lastly, "If you had an entire day to yourself with zero responsibilities, how would you spend it?"
Okay, and here's some conversation *developers*, things to keep the conversation going. How about, “What do you remember as some of the more formative moments of your life? What made them so formative?” “What have you changed your mind about recently?” That one can be really interesting. “If you could have dinner with three to five people from any point in history, who would you choose and why?” That's a fun one! Then we've got, “What is something you’ve purchased for a little money that has made a big difference in your life?” And, “How do you escape or unwind?” Oh, and finally, “What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?”
Seriously, those questions have been really effective for me. They have, like, sparked really great connections with new and old friends.
Okay, that's Principle Number One: Create Doorknobs.
Principle Number Two: Be a Loud Listener. There's this concept of "loud listening," which basically means you're showing the speaker that you're really paying attention and you’re feeling what they’re feeling.
So, a few examples. You can use sounds, like, just saying "Yes," or "Uh-huh," or "Hmm." Things like that. It signals that you’re listening and it encourages them to keep going. Or facial expressions! Change your facial expressions to react to the story they're telling. And body language! Leaning forward towards the speaker shows you're engaged. Like, *never* turn away or turn sideways. That sends the message that you're trying to leave the conversation and it totally kills the energy.
I mean, we've all been in conversations where it's super obvious that the other person doesn’t care about what we’re saying, right? It’s a terrible feeling. So, don’t do that to other people.
Alright, so that’s Principle Number Two: Be a Loud Listener.
Principle Number Three: Repeat and Follow. This is all about active listening. Basically, you repeat key points back to the speaker in your own words, and then follow that up with an additional insight, or a story of your own, or even a doorknob question. This is a chance to show that you're engaged, to agree or disagree with what they're saying. It keeps the conversation flowing and really cements the connection.
Okay, and finally, Principle Number Four: Make Situational Eye Contact. Eye contact is tricky, right? Too little and you look shifty. Too much and you look, well, kind of crazy.
So, I like to think of it as situational. You want to have deep and connected eye contact while the other person is speaking, showing you're really listening. And then, while you’re talking, be organic about it. It's okay to look away while you're thinking, but then use eye contact to emphasize key points and important moments in your story.
If you just focus on those four principles, you’ll see a big improvement in your conversation skills. Seriously! And it's not just about your professional life. It's more important for your personal life. It leads to meaningful connections that add so much to life. So, use these four principles and start becoming a master conversationalist.